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  • 2.3 HW: Writing – Reflective Essay

     Solomon Hernandez updated 1 month ago 1 Member · 1 Post
  • Solomon Hernandez

    Member
    31.08.2022 at 23:11

    Nice work with your essay. I think you did pretty well in illustrating your experience. You also used some of the block’s vocabulary (e.g. “shattered”, “meaningful”, “experience”, “later on”, etc.). So let’s go over some of the things that can be improved.

    First off, I feel like the first sentence wasn’t eye-catching enough, or enough of a hook. It felt lengthy and not meaty enough to be a starting point. Maybe you could adjust the second sentence and make that your opening. For example, “I remember a time when the police and the National Guard were beating people for no reason.” It feels a bit more impactful, and then your first sentence can be adjusted a bit since it provides the context.

    I also feel like you could’ve added in even a bit more context about the situation and how it affected you personally. You also could’ve expounded a bit on what made you think things were unfair, to really showcase your perspective.

    For the part about important skills, they seem a little forced. I think it would’ve been best to explain in what way or context you got “critical thinking and tolerance”.

    Also, be careful of some grammar or punctuation mistakes. For example, “For me” and “Later on” should have a comma afterward. At one point, you wrote “our the political” when it should just be “our political”. Try making use of a grammar checker, such as Grammarly. That can be really helpful.

    It was a decent job overall though. I hope you can incorporate some of these suggestions in your future work!

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